xXCrissCrossXx
by lingerheart
Summary: [AU]Kairi wants to see a therapist. Roxas hates him. But they need him. Roxas needs Kairi. Kairi needs Roxas. But she needs help. So does he. It's just a big twisted criss cross. Roxiri, RoxasXKairi


X.Criss.X.Cross.X x-x..x./.x-x 

"Hey Roxas"  
"Yes Kairi"  
"Do you think we need help"  
"..Yes."

x-x..x./.x-x x.R.o.x.a.s.X.K.a.i.r.i.x x-Roxas-x x-Mark.the.red.line-x x1x  
x-x..x./.x-x

We entered the office the first time, scared, shy, and shaken.  
"Welcome, welcome. Please sit. Anywhere you'd like"  
A fat balding man, most likely to be in his late 50's said, dressed in plaid sweater glory, in a blue plush chair. In fact, the whole office was blue. Blue couches, blue chairs, blue carpet- blue everything.  
x-x..x./.x-x

"Hi, I'm Roxas"  
I reached out and shook her hand for the first time. I was just meeting her then, at one of Sora's parties.  
She had the most amazing crimson hair that fell like silk around her shoulders, African violet eyes, and a smile that left me in a shock as we met eyes.  
It wasn't until she had left with her friend to another room that I heard what she said.  
"You have the most amazing blue eyes"  
I went home later that night and locked myself in the bathroom, staring at the mirror, at my reflection, at my blue eyes.

x-x..x./.x-x

"So, lets get started shall we. I am Dr. Tern, as you know. You are Roxas and Kairi, its says here on my papers"  
Dr. Tern wrote and spoke at the same time. Great accomplishment. He was also very good at stating the obvious. It was obvious, so I wonder if he noticed?  
"Lets start with a few questions for the both of you, shall we? Just a little background information for us to work on, alright"  
I nodded, I saw Kairi nod, and Dr. Tern nodded. Suddenly, the office was no longer an office, but a nodding convention.  
"Alright. So how old are you both"  
Dr. Tern was looking at us expectantly, pen in hand, ready to write. It looked like he was going to be writing down everything we said. Hell, he was probably writing down our facial expressions, what we wore, and that Kairi's nails were painted red. I thought for a moment about telling him he should get one of those quills that write down everything you say, like in Harry Potter, but decided against it. I was here for a problem, not because I'm crazy. Or am I? Really.  
I didn't say any of this though.  
"19"  
"19"  
Kairi looked ready to burst. Explode. Asplode. Implode. Combust. Blow up.  
Well, good to know she's as comfortable as I am.

x-x..x./.x-x

"So I found a guy"  
Kairi had said, taking a plate out of my hand and drying it. It was a nightly ritual, one that we partake in after dinner every night. We take turns, and it was my turn that night to wash. It was hers to dry. I wash a dish, she dries it. It works. It's social interaction. It's cheaper than a dishwasher and more efficient.  
"Really. Do you hate me now Kairi? I said I was sorry about the zipper"  
I murmured, scrubbing at a dish with the yellow sponge, wet and soapy, in my hand. We had just opened a new package that day. New sponges were clean, unused, and did a better job at cleaning. And this sponge, unlike the last one, wasn't stained red from cleaning up the blood in the bathroom last night. Pity. It wasn't that old of a sponge either. We lose so many good sponges to the habit.  
"Roxas, very funny. And I happened to like that dress. I don't care if you wanted me really bad- I wanted you really bad and you didn't..don't..see me..ripping the buttons of your shirts now do you"  
She whipped me with the drying towel, which I must admit, if we weren't washing dishes in such a serious mood, would've turned me on. It did a little, but not to the point of me jumping her in the middle of the kitchen.  
"He's a psychologist. He can...help us, Roxas"  
Kairi slowed her drying, slowly putting away the dish in the cupboard before turning to me and rolling up her sleeve. I felt my eyes widen as fresh cuts were revealed to me. She had been doing it without me.  
"Kairi"  
I took her by the wrist, holding it up a little and leaning down a little. My lips met the torn skin in a kiss, like kissing a 3 year old on the cheek goodbye. I looked up at her and gave her a faint smile. Not letting go of her wrist I stood up, then leaned forward and kissed her forehead, which was covered by the crimson locks of hair that people called bangs.  
"I made an appointment. We're to go tomorrow afternoon, at four until five"  
She said softly, stepping closer to me as I brought my arm around her, reaching to stroke the hair on the back of her head affectionately.  
"Okay Kai, okay."

x-x..x./.x-x

"So you two have close birthdays? How close"  
Two days apart really.  
"That is quite close. How was your last birthday Kairi"  
Kairi looked quite ready to explode; as if she would rather explode than talk.  
"It was...okay"  
I was surprised at the cautiously professional sounding voice that escaped Kairi's lips.  
"Yours Roxas"  
"Fine"  
"Now remember, if you want me to help you, I ask you to be honest. So what are you here for"  
Didn't we fill out some application that says all of this? What is this, some psychological mumbo jumbo crap to get us to admit to our wrongs and therefore get better?  
"We cut ourselves. Each other"  
I said bluntly, and Dr. Pern nodded, writing in his little packet of papers again.  
"May I see..your cuts"  
He asked delicately, and Kairi looked ready to cry. It was her idea, so why is she crying?  
"No. You may not"  
I said and took Kairi's hand.  
"Okay. I'm sorry, I just wanted to make sure they weren't infected. Now, when did this behavior start in the both of you"  
x-x..x./.x-x

It was me, Kairi and Sora's seventeenth birthday party. Our friends figured why go to two parties when they could just throw one big one for the three of us?  
I was sitting in the kitchen, watching people through the open doorway of the kitchen, drinking a Coke. Every one of our friends was there, our whole group of friends, sitting, lounging in Kairi's living room, watching a movie Tidus had bought on DVD for Sora's birthday, some humorous film about two guys who work in a mini-mart. Clerks, was it? Tidus was sitting on the couch, arm around Selphie, the thin brunette who was his steady girlfriend, who was seated next to Yuna. Wakka was on the floor near yuna's feet, next to Riku and Namine, who were lying near each other on their stomachs. Sora sat next to them, quite close to Namine, very close indeed. All were engrossed in the movie, as a chorus of laughter rippled through them in snorts and chuckles.  
Except for one redhead, who had suddenly appeared at my side.  
"Hello Roxas. Happy early birthday"  
She said, a grin on her face as she poked me in the side and leaned on the counter next to me, arms crossed. Something sad was sparkling in her eyes, but her face was all smiles and happiness.  
"You okay? You kind of disappeared there for a while"  
Kairi froze up a little and then shook her head.  
"Nope. I'm fine. Hey, you want to stay over night? My parents won't mind if we're quiet. We can sleep in the basement"  
The good part of being friends with somebody since you were two is that you could be of the opposite gender of said somebody and you can stay over the other person's house anytime. Like I was going to do with Kairi.  
"Sure. My parents wouldn't mind either. Just let me call them okay"  
I could have just walked across the street and asked but it was raining and being wet wouldn't really feel the best right now.  
About an hour later everybody had left, including Sora who had glanced at Kairi and given her a small smile before walking out the door, leaving me and Kairi to waste the night away however we wanted to. I was sitting in the basement waiting for Kairi, who had said she needed to go to the bathroom. About fifteen minutes ago. There was no way she was going to the bathroom, and it was taking her near to twenty minutes.  
So I ventured up the stairs and down the hall to the bathroom. The door was closed, and I wasn't about ready to get the crap beaten out of me for walking in on Kairi in the bathroom, erm, well, going to the bathroom. If that's what she was really doing.  
"Kairi? You in there"  
"Roxas? Yes, I'm in here! I-I'll be out in a minute"  
Well that wasn't suspicious.  
"You okay? You've been in there for about twenty minutes"  
"Yes! I'm fine-ah. I'm fine! I'm sorry for taking so long! Go back down stairs please"  
That was not suspicious at all. I should just go back down stairs.  
Like hell I was.  
"Kairi, make yourself decent I'm coming in there"  
I said, and then waited a few seconds then opened the door.  
There Kairi was, sitting on the counter of the sink, hiding something.  
"Kairi, what were you just doing"  
"Nothing"  
"Kairi"  
She looked like a deer caught in the headlights. She looked shocked, scared and surprised.  
"I was filing my nails"  
"What are you hiding"  
"Nothing"  
"Show me"  
"No"  
I clenched my teeth together, then moved and leaned as close as humanly possible against Kairi. If somebody had walked by, it would probably have looked like I was seducing her or something. I put my head in the crook of her neck where her neck met her shoulders and kissed the skin there(which is a weak spot apparently on girls, according to Sora, my socially-unakward-fine-around-the-opposite-gender twin brother), making her shiver. Then I reached around her and grabbed her hands, bringing them forwards so I could see what was in her hand.  
I suddenly wish I hadn't. At that exact moment I really wished I hadn't done anything, and that this was all a dream, and that I would wake up and it would be this morning, tomorrow morning, anything. Just to not let this be true.  
I stepped backwards and looked at her, only to see tears streaming down her face.  
"Please don't tell anybody Roxas. Please"  
In her hand was a knife, handle black and blade covered in red. I looked at my hands; red liquid stained them.  
That was Kairi's blood on my hands! No, no no no no no! I looked at her wrists and saw blood. It was leaking and I picked them up before the pool of blood that was threatening to spill went on her jeans. I closed the door, grabbing a face cloth from the rack on the door. No! This was wrong! This isn't happening, this is wrong!  
I had wanted to scream, to shout, to cry, but all I did was find myself speaking softly.  
"Kairi Kairi Kairi...what have you been doing to yourself"  
I whispered, more to myself than to her but all she kept saying was "please don't tell roxas. Please. Please"  
Just kept whispering, crying, like this was her nightmare and not mine. It wasn't. I wanted to believe it was just a nightmare and I'd wake up and nothing had happened. But this was real. It was our living nightmare. Ours.  
I wiped the blood off her arm, effectively wetting the dry cloth so it was now damp all over. Then there was more. It just kept coming. Where was it all coming from? Where? Why wouldn't it stop? Why? Make it stop!  
I rinsed the towel in the sink under the water three times before I stuck Kairi's wrist under the running water from the faucet and told her to keep it there. I then turned to the closet and pulled out the first aid kit that had been pushed against the far wall on one of the shelves, behind the band-aids and the bottles of peroxide, and lotions and creams. I think I even saw a box of condoms, but all I thought was getting Kairi cleaned up, so I could sit her down and sort all of this out.  
I opened the box, withdrawing gauze and bandaging and clips and antiseptic wipes and rubbing alcohol before feeling a shaky hand touch my cheek- it was Kairi. Her hand was wet. But the touch was so nice, slowly trailing down my cheek, resting on my neck. She pulled me towards her suddenly, kissing me hard on the mouth, pulling me towards her, wrapping her wet arm around me instead of keeping it under the water, kissing me, kissing me hard, needy needy needy...She wrapped her legs around my waist, still needy, drawing our hips together efficiently, arousing something within me that spread a fire throughout my body. No! This was Kairi! Stop this! My mind screamed at me and I pulled away, only to be pulled back. I pulled away again,  
looking her in the eye. She was crying, her lips swollen and tears streaming down her cheeks steadily.  
"Kairi, what's happened to you"  
I leaned her back against the wall but she didn't let go of me.  
"..He broke up with me, Roxas...Sora...he cheated on me"  
She whispered. I didn't think twice about pulling her into my arms and holding her. She cried into my shoulder, wetting my shirt with her tears.  
Later that night we layed on the couch in her basement, and she didn't let go of me the whole night, even in her sleep.

x-x..x./.x-x

"A few weeks before my last birthday"  
Kairi said.  
"A few months ago. In October"  
I answered.  
Dr. Pern nodded, a small hum of acknowledgement coming from what I assumed was his throat, as he scritched scratched his notes down with his pen.  
"I'm going to ask you a few questions, for analysis purposes. Remember, I have signed a confidentiality waiver and none of this is going to be revealed to the public or anybody else. Alright"  
They shouldn't even have to sign a waiver- stuff like this should be kept secret and hushed and unrevealed in the first place! Don't people trust anymore? What is the world coming to? Are we going to need to sign confidentiality documents when we want to share a secret with our friends? Are people that selfish and stupid not to know these things?

x-x..x./.x-x

Two thirty four in the morning. The little numbers on the dvd/vhs player connected to the tv in Kairi's basement glowed green, small and slightly dull. I felt small and slightly dull too. Like those numbers. I also felt confused. But most of all, I felt worried.  
"Hey, Roxas, are you.. still awake"  
Kairi whispered in my arms. She was awake. I could hear her breathing. In. Out. Breathe in. Breath out. Sigh.  
"Yeah Kairi, I'm awake"  
I whispered back, still listening to her breathing. Was I breathing? I don't know, I wasn't paying attention. I guess breathing isn't all as voluntary as everybody says. Kairi shifted in my arms, facing me. I was glad the couch was big, and that the cushions were wide, or else we wouldn't have fit on here, the two of us. It was dark, but the little bit of light from those dull numbers lit up outlines and whatever it could. Small and dull as they were I could see Kairi, see her face, see her eyes on me.  
"Will you promise me something"  
Whispered words came from the girl who felt so fragile, so young, such a part of my life, I knew she was going to ask me not to tell. Not to tell anybody. I remained silent so as to encourage her to go on. She did, in whispers.  
"Will you not tell anybody..about tonight? About what you saw? Please"  
I couldn't tell her no. I would be such a, such a hypocrite, but such a bad person.  
"Kairi"  
"Roxas please. If you tell my parents will hate me. I'll be branded a freak. Everybody will hate me. Please Roxas, please don't"  
She pleaded, even if it was a whisper, I could still hear the need, the want, the forcefulness in her voice. All in a whisper.  
"Kairi, you're not a freak. You're not alone. There's other people who do it. It's not uncommon, it's just...a dangerous thing"  
"I feel alone"  
"You're not"  
I had to. She was my friend, and to think she was spiraling down the same staircase I was, it made me feel..scared. But not alone.  
"Roxas, I don't care if the whole navy is doing what I'm doing, I'm alone right now, there's nobody here that is scared like me. Nobody that hides like me. Nobody here that does what I do...nobody"  
"Kairi...I do"  
"Roxas, you've got to be shitting me. You"  
"Cut myself. Yes. I'm sorry I never told you before, I was just..scared. But now you're here, Kairi don't keep doing this. It's hard to stop. I can't"  
"Roxas...promise me...I promise you"  
I sighed. I was playing with fire here, there was no turning back, no denying I said anything. From here on, it would be no secrets anymore.  
"I promise..."

x-x..x./.x-x

"First question, do either of you drink"  
Dr. Pern asked standardly. Such a straight face. I should get a clown in here. I would, if I weren't terrified of them.  
"No"  
"No"  
A nod, a scritch scratch scratch, and a few heartbeats later and he was at it again.  
"Do either of you use drugs"  
"No"  
"No." And I wouldn't tell you even if I did. Idiot.  
And repeat. Here we go.  
"Are either one of you sexually active"  
What the hell was this? Some kind of joke? How the hell is this supposed to help us again?  
"...Yes"  
"...yes"  
And he wrote that down too. I glanced at Kairi, a definable red across her face, who looked ready to melt into a puddle and slip between the couch cushions. I guess that's better than exploding.  
"How long have you been active? Since what age"  
"Since the age of sixteen"  
"Sixteen"  
I grumbled. Write that in your notes Dr. Pern. That I grumbled. Yeah, I'm unhappy right now, what're you going to do, question me about it?  
"Kairi, are you on birth control or not"  
Who the hell does he think he is? Isn't that a little personal?  
"Yes, I am"  
"When did you start taking them"  
"When I was sixteen"  
Dr. Pern wrote some more things down, flipped to the next page on his clipboard, and wrote a bit more. He then looked back up

at us.  
"Might I ask, what is your relationship with each other"  
Well Dr. Pern, Kairi and I are in a very stable relationship, and we both have very healthy libidos enabling use to have sex most nights and we carry on conversation quite well.  
"We are dating, and we live with each other"  
And Kairi's great in the sack. Anything else you want to ask? When we get up in the morning? Where we work? Where we live? What shampoo Kairi uses?  
"I see. How long have you been living with each other"  
"Since we both graduated from high school"  
"Do you work"  
No, we sit on our asses all day and money magically floats in through the window to pay our bills.  
"Yes"  
"Are you both enrolled in college"  
"Yes"  
Dr. Pern wrote with his black pen what must have been an essay while he asked questions, and Kairi answered most of them. I just sat here, wondering what the hell the guy would ask next.  
"Are you sexually active with each other"  
No, Kairi and I just date and live with each other for the hell of it. This guy was really pissing me off. And I'm not one to get mad. If this were anybody else, I'd probably want to melt into a puddle too.  
"Yes"  
Kairi, why on earth did you pick this one. Why?  
"Alright. One quick question before our time runs out. Do you cut yourselves on a regular basis"  
"Yes"  
"Okay, that's all the time we have. You may call and schedule another appointment anytime or talk to the receptionist on the way out. Have a nice day"  
"Bye. Thank you"  
Kairi and I stood up, and I practically bolted out of the room. Write that in your notes Dr. Pern.

x-x..x./.x-x

"We are never going back there again"  
I told Kairi as we climbed into our car; nothing special, just a silver volvo Kairi and I saved up to get. I started it up and backed out of the parking lot, getting on the main road and driving towards our apartment.  
"What? Why not"  
Kairi asked, a little shocked. She stared at me as I stopped the car at an intersection, not feeling like getting a ticket for running a red light today.  
"Because. That guy...Dr. Pern...ugh I just don't want to go back there"  
Go red light go.  
"Roxas, that's not a very good reason. I've already made another appointment or did you not notice"  
"Kairi, the man asked us about our sex lives"  
Red light, turn green. Now! Have you ever been little, and been sitting in a car and said go to the red light until it turned green, and then when it did, you said you had done it and you were magic? Yeah, I wish I could do that now.  
"Roxas, did you ever think he might have had a valid reason for asking us that"  
"Like what"  
I seriously think that red light is stuck. Maybe it's a prank. It's not very funny.  
"Behavioral problems perhaps? Y'know, to see if we're healthy and thinking correctly"  
"So anytime I want to jump you it's automatically okay because I'm thinking correctly and healthy"  
I said half seriously and half teasingly. Kairi flushed.  
"Roxas, you know what I mean"  
"Do I"  
"Yes you do. Now drive. I'm thinking correctly right now"  
Finally the red light has changed! And did I just catch some innuendo coming from Kairi?  
"Oh really"  
I turned right, and drove, our apartment building coming into view.  
"Yep. Very correctly"  
I pulled into the parking lot, parking our car, pulling the keys out of the ignition and getting out of the car.  
"And what are you thinking correctly of Kairi"  
"Mmmm...maybe some food"  
Kairi broke out into a run. She had tricked me. She was hungry. I ran after her until we reached the door to our apartment.  
"I'm hungry too"  
"Really? What to you want to eat? I can make spaghetti if you want. We have some"  
She said as she fumbled with the key to our door. She unlocked it and I pressed up against her, my chest against her back.  
"Nah, my appetite has changed to a redhead wearing boots and a black turtle neck with a pair of blue jeans that have a hole in the knee"  
I said, my mouth hovering centimeters away from her ear. She snickered, opened the door, and pulled me in, closing it behind her and locking it.  
"Spaghetti it is then."

x-x..x./.x-x

Authoress's Note:  
Yay! First chapter done! Not as angsty yet. YET. ;  
This would be my first Roxiri. I wanted to write one, and I had this idea, so this is what came out. Sorry if it offends anybody. XP Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, okay? I do own Dr. Pern though. Which sucks. Kinda.  
So, leave a review, I hope you enjoyed it. I hope to update this soon. Thanks for reading!  
XxlingerheartxX


End file.
